There is no perfect three way relationship just as there is no perfect two way one. But Aaron and Tom were near on perfect, the way that they related to each other and assured me a comfortable, a sensual world.But all of that was found the hard way, a grudging but necessary equilibrium.
There were so many parties in Edinburgh, but there came one that made a difference for us, for Aaron, Tom and I. It was the one where we planned to slowly, hesitently come out. Our thing, our way of living had been developing by then a little over a year. I had fallen in love with Aaron and started dating him and somehow I spoke to my husband Tom about that. You can’t explain this in theoretical terms. Polyamory doesn’t slip off the tongue as a chat kind of thing. But I assured Tom that I still loved him but that I had too to be with Aaron. The men couldn’t have been more different. Tom was considerate, thoughtful, tentative and introverted. He was a constant, a friend during any storm. Aaron was expansive, confident and at times deliciously arrogant. He seemed to eat up life as if it was a bowl of cherries. Anyway, dating became home sex. Tom intially would go out whilst Aaron fucked me, but then he slowly accepted things and stayed in the house. He slowly related to the sheer presence of the man, his bigger physical stature, but more importantly still how he seemed to change me. I was now sexy rather than cerebral like Tom. I was sensual and selfish. Being seflish became a sexy thing because that wasn’t how I used to be. Sex couldn’t be some kind of annex, an antechamber through to something more important or grown up. Sex was central to how we lived. Aaron told Tom that he had to learn to relate to him. They played with the words, the ways of putting things for a month i remember. But what Aaron wanted, what I wanted too, was for Tom to submit to him. Because Aaron was so dominant with me, I wanted him to be completely dominant with Tom. That was symbolized by sucking cock. Tom succumbed. Eventually he succumbed.
So back to that party. I’ve just given you a potted summary of how this started. I’ve sketched the glue of the thing, the nature of the relationship, Aaron dominant, I feeling sexy and secure and Tom on the biggest adventure, submitting and supporting us. Well, at a party you can’t simply announce those things, not like that. For one thing Tom and i had friends that we wanted to keep. We loved them and wanted them to feel supportive of how we had chosen to live. For another, I knew that our lifestyle could act like a mirror against other relationship choices that people made. Imagine, if you had a dull monogamous relatonship and then Emma, Aaron and Tom illustrated something raunchier, more vibrant, it could seem a threat. I needed to help other women understand that you can be a bitch (for that is how it seems) and still sustain something loving with the subservient male. Tom had somehow to promise to his male friends that he was still Tom, even though he now sucked cock for Aaron. Aaron had to fight through the stereotypes of the black opportunistic male who fucks every white chick that he coul get his hands on. People had to understand that he loved me as well as moulded me. They had to understand that he believed in the unequal and powerful menage a trois that we lived rather than simply used it to gratify himself.
The truth of it was, that somehow, we had to show rather than tell, other people how equilibrium works. Equilibirum is not equality. Aaron and Tom are not equal, Aaron is the boss. Tom and I are not equal, he treats me as his better. But life isn’t equal and it isn’t always ‘nice’. Searching for niceness and equality does peoples heads in. They impose an idealistic set of needs and rights on their instinctive needs. Equilibrium is quite difference, it is the resolution of opposing forces. Aaron dominated Tom more and more until a point was reached where Tom had found what he truly was. He forced Tom to confront how hopelessly optimistic he had been, aspiring to be my equal as well as Aaron’s. Imagine two engines pushing each other on a railway line, a mile long. One engine, the more powerful one pushes the weaker one so that it commands a tiny fraction of the available line. The weaker engine isn’t run off the line, it just occupies, controls, commands, so much less. Then that powerful engine holds the weak one there, until it accepts its lot. Accepting a lot is grudging at first, but then comes an identity slips again. Lot becomes role and role becomes purpose in life. Equilibrium has been reached, between the men and for a woman that is oh so sexy. To conceive in those circumstances, with two supportve males, would be sheer bliss.
Equilibrium became our shared hymn sheet. It was something that you could explain, in snippets, asides. It was something that you could gradually show. Put in ‘give and take’ terms it signalled unfairness, but it was possible to show that giving was somehow self understanding. Tom (bless him) at the party was being quizzed by Fiona. She had always been curious, always been a littls suspcious of our social threesome. We never seemed apart and of course she sensed the masculinity of Aaron. His body language around me was always dominant. I looked at him differently. Fiona wanted to know whether Tom ‘minded’ Aaron and then when he said of course he didn’t mind him, she moved on to ‘like’ Aaron and then to ‘admired’ Aaron. It was very difficult to admit to Fiona that Aaron was master. So I went to help. Fiona can be quite a pushy, sometimes a fiesty female.
I told her (gently, for the booze was flowing) how women were always getting cast as judges. We all judged men! She knew that was true, smiled, and clinked my glass. The sisterhood. The heat was suddenly off Tom, at least for a moment or two. So I said that I’d required Tom and Aaron to get along. They both had qualities. Ask Aaron about sport, not about the theatre. Ask Tom about culture not about something competitive. I wanted my mix of ablities in my relationships. I’d prompted the men to then accept what each was better at. Fiona knew this was always about sex. It is always about sex if you are a very heterosxual woman and men are concerned. I was hinting that i was the schemer, the orchestrator of arrangements. She smiled and whispered something about a vixen. Aaron breezed past. He kissed me on the mouth and Fiona interrogated that with the look of a Gyr Falcon. Her eyes shot back to Tom.
‘He kisses nice….doesn’t he Tom?’ she queried my husband.
There was a blush on Tom’s face, but it was manageable.
‘Yes, he kisses great’ Tom said. His lips tightened as if he had found the grip on his rail again. Another contest of forces was under way. He needed people like Fiona to know, but he didn’t want to be pushed helter skelter back along the rail without any dignity at all!
‘I think Emma…’ Fiona opined, ‘that you (and she gently touched me with her outstretched finger) ‘are the sexiest woman I know. I think you are a radical.’
We laughed. There, the hint was planted. Fiona was starting to understand. Hell she was intrigued, but she’s a good enough friend not to hound and moither over and over.
Much later that night, when really some people were good and blitzed, Aaron wanted me. The sex between us is often casual, instinctive and sometimes quick and quite physical. Tom’s role at such times is look out. He is our guard, our support, our admirer. I like him watch me climax on Aaron. So we slipped away upstairs in the big house, to find a quiet corridor that ran down to a art studio that Miriam ran. It was dimly lit, perfect, sexy and sensual place for a fuck against a wood pannelled wall. Aaron pushed his hand beneath the hem of my tight black cocktail dress and felt me. I was very wet for him as always. I wanted him, something that Tom had long since accepted. A woman can want one man more than another and still leave a space, a role for the weaker too. Checking around Tom took Aaron’s cock out for him as he often does and then stood back, casting a protective shadow over us as it were from any prying eyes if someone wondered up from downstairs. In private circumstances Tom would suck cock for Aaron then. He would taste him before he put it inside me. There is real intimacy in a loving polyamorous, unequal relationship. There though, at the party, guarding was the primary requirement.
Aaron pushed me roughly back against the wooden panelling. He pushed my head up with his jaw, so that he could kiss my bare throat. Really dominant men do that a lot. Its as if I was available to be killed, a hind taken in the chase. But he kisses and he caresses instead. Aaron’s hand moved between my breasts and my sex, feeling, moving, moulding. Obedient Tom shadowed us literally. As Aaron forced his big cock up inside me again, causing me to groan, Tom blocked some of the back ground light out. I glanced at him, I always do. I demand that he submit, just with a nod every time that he witnesses Aaron take me. There, it is so simple, so generous, so meek, and so sexy. Tom nods and I kiss Aaron’s ear as he thrusts inside me. My arms wrap gratefully around his thick and powerful neck.
No one heard Fiona. No one! She had kicked off her shoes some time before, moving through the party in stockinged feet. That was how she ascended the stais silently, exploing the alarmingly well appointed and grand house. She stepped lightly, slowly behind Tom whilst Aaron was having me. I glanced their way, say the silhouette of the woman already at Tom’s shoulder when she whispered to him…
‘They’re beautiful together’ Fiona observed. She had placed her hand on Tom’s shoulder. It was such a kind gesture, such a reassuring one. There was no glee, no ‘so there, thought so!’about her manner. She was comforting him with her touch. Aaron humped into me. He didn’t care. Once his blood his up, once he is inside me, he always takes come what may.
‘Yes’ admitted Tom. I couldn’t see whether he blushed. My husband was simply a talking silhouette.
‘You admire Aaron…this way….so much’ Fiona said. Her silhouette sipped a drink.
‘Yes….yes I do’ he said. His voice stiffened. There was resolve in it.
‘Emma’s so beautiful with him…so so beautiful’ Fiona mused.
I think Tom nodded. Honestly, I couldn’t tell. My orgasm stripped out any rationale thought. It stripped me clean of anything surrounding save for the sensation of Aaron’s cock. I felt my legs by turn lock, shudder and then feel as weak as anything as Aaron pumped inside me. When Aaron gets me in that state I am oblivious to any other concern. I clung to him and Aaron bucked into me. There…now, with a tremendous pressure, I felt him ejaculating hard inside me.
‘God….oh darling!’ I panted.
Like a thunderstorm, sharp and powerful, the sensations swept through me and then dropped. It was as if the air had cooled ten degrees. It was as if the sheet of rain had ran over me like a curtain and passed on. I held on to Aaron dragging down breathes.
When I opened my eyes, glancing down the corridor, two silhouettes were still there. Fiona still had a hand on Tom’s shoulder. I was petrified then. I was absolutely petrified. This wasn’t the gentle, the tentative revelation that I had planned. This wasn’t the measured sharing of our love. Aaron pulled out of me my sex making a sucking sound as he left.
Fiona hadn’t gone. She hadn’t left. Aaron turned to face them his erection bobbing like a poker.
‘Do you go to them?’ Fiona’s question was a whisper.
I saw Tom look at her. He was checking for judgement, checking for contempt. I couldn’t see anything of what he saw. Something passed between them. Tom stepped forward, out of the supportive touch of our new witness. He stepped forward and the shadow shifted across us. Fiona sipped her drink.
‘Love you guys’ Fiona said. It was another soft touch on the shoulder.
Tom dropped onto his knees and sucked Aaron clean. He can do this quickly, firmly, his mouth encasing Aaron’s cock head as he pushes it back and forth. Tom can suck with just the right amount of pressure to remove the slimy semen from off his ebony skin.
‘You are lovely radical girl, so radical’ Fiona assured leaning for a moment against the wall.
Tom came to toilet me. He had to hold the hem of my tight dress up whilst he licked up the copiuous semen from off my still spasming sex. He licked greedily.
‘I’m going to hunt you down a gin and tonic babe’ Fiona said turning, ‘then you are going to tell me hun, how I can best be your supportive friend.’
I blinked. Tom was still licking. The equilibrium had been found again.